hello? are you there?

i fucking hate people. they'll be your friend, but as soon as you need them, or just want to talk to them, they dont respond.

april 26, 2011

the ghosts of my past,
i should have let go,
but they wont go away,
i guess ill keep running.

so, good news

for once. getting a lot of work soon, and hopefully make some money! woo. money makes the world go round. other than that, my life is boring.

life sucks. and then you die.

im slowly losing my mind here. i wake up every day and try and be a good person. but im starting to question, what is it for? yeah, world peace is a nice pipe dream, but when good people get shat on (figuratively of course) and the pricks, assholes, scumbags, what have you, get it good, i wonder what the fuck is the point of it all. right now im "working" for a friend of mine, but im not getting paid, and thats fine, i understand the situations we're all in, and im a nice person. but what pisses me off is that we all are struggling to put fuel in the equipment, to get the work done, and get paid. but people take their sweet fuckin time go get the money to us. if my friend got all the money people owed him, we all would be in much better shape right now. and on top of that theres all this pointless fucking drama, and people who are downright idiots. on any given day you could probably find me daydreaming. i usually dream im somewhere very far away, secluded, secure. like a log cabin at the top of some mountain in god knows where with just me and now, my new dog. her name is bella and shes a sweetheart. i just wish i was in a better financial situation to take care of her, let alone myself. goodnight. and good luck.

i want to get out of here

but i cant. i have to wait until my probation is over. fucking sucks.

American Tragedy

Yesterday was the iTunes release of Hollywood Undead's new CD American Tragedy. I fucking love it. Its not exactly the HU that I've been used to, but its not so different to the point where I dont know if its them or not. So if you like a bunch of white guys rapping about bitches and suicide, this is the album for you!

i want to scream.

its 6:12 as i start this. and this early in the morning i usually find myslef asking the same questions i asked the nights before. what is the purpose of this life? what is the meaning of existence? why? to what end does all this serve? im normally a happy-go-lucky person. but deep inside there is an intense hate. i hate stupidity. i hate bigotry. i hate racism, sexism, genocide, war, murder, intolerance (and the fact that hating intolerance is in and of itself intolerant), and anything else that destroys another humans happiness. but most of all i hate ignorance. and i have this strong, burning hatred for all these things and more, not because i dilute myself to think that world peace is actually attainable, but because to me, they are the epitome of evil. i hate my own shortcomings in trying to change the world, and even more my lack of motivation, inability, and the fact that i dont know where to start to change this corrupted world we live in. some nights i just sit outside and dream of burning the world down. starting fresh, promoting all that is good in this world. and then my mind automatically comes up with a counter argument (im the son of two lawyers, so yeah). there is evil in this world because thats what makes the good times good. yin and yang. good and evil. but why, if almighty God created us all in His image, why not make it so that there was no need for evil? these thoughts and questions are more than likely going to haunt me until the day i die. maybe then, when im in "the afterlife" will i find the answers to these questions. before i go, i have a mission for all who read this. do something kind at least once a week. dont just give the homeless your spare change, have a meaningful, in depth conversation with them. if you see someone picking on someone else, do whatever you can to make them stop, maybe even try to teach them that they wouldnt like it if it was done to them. the next time youre about to snap and yell at someone, think about a more peaceful, less angry way to get what you want to express out. maybe, just maybe, you and i can do our part to turn "humanity" away from its self destructive ways.  and just cause it popped in my head, ill end on a quote from the talmud. (its not verbatim, but the wisdom remains) "he who takes another man's life, destroys an entire world ; he who saves a man's life, saves an entire world". good morning everyone.